Boy Meets Boy
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I
am
not
myself
anymore.
Every love that I have had
resembles a cigarette.
It may burn bright at first,
but it never lasts.
Like the smoke I exhale
that disperses into the air,
the people vanish.
They become nothing
but matter
in separate places.
The saddest thing of all
—each one kills
a little part of me.
I stay awake all night
because nothing offers me more solace
than the dark.
Intoxicated.
Acceleration, black tar road, passing street lights.
Don’t take me home.
It is a few days into the new year. The time is 3:02 A.M.
He opens his eyes.
Blackness surrounds him and not a single sound could be heard.
He gets up from the couch and walks into the bathroom.
The fluorescent light bulb flickers for a few seconds before lighting up the small room.
He takes a good look at himself in the mirror above the sink.
He recognizes the same fine lines that crease his forehead and the scar beneath his right eye.
“I look the same,” he thought.
“I feel the same.”
However, in his heart, he is painfully aware that something is amiss.
The boy that stands before him exists and he will continue to—but he no longer knows what for.
He returns to his bed to get some sleep.
The new year meant nothing special to him.
Tomorrow—in fact, every day—is just another day.
He is at the end of a pier. His bare feet are planted against the wooden planks beneath them.
The sky is overcast, the horizon, empty.
Somberness lingers in the atmosphere.
There is no turning back now. He knows that things will never again be the same.
He has had his share of love—a love that is young, foolish and unrequited.
How unfortunate.
His thoughts are disrupted by the gentle crashing of the waves against the shore.
He inhales the salty air. He is ready.
Arms now slightly outstretched, he takes a step forward. He lifts his right foot over the edge.
The dull green water invites him.
He shuts his eyes and memories flood his mind.
He was once so happy.
It is easy and quick—adrenaline inducing, even.
The icy cold water numbs him.
At this moment and for once, his entire being is devoid of emotions.
For once, he is letting go.
Unconsciousness creeps up to him, pulling him deeper into the darkness that looms underneath him.
He remained motionless until the burning in his lungs returns all human emotions into his body.
His tightening lungs send him into a fit and he trashes the water with every limb.
Light enters his eyes as he pierces his head above the water.
He breathes again.
I stare out the window,
at the dark night sky,
and wonder if it looks the same
in another part of the world.
